情緒不分好壞！哈佛心理學家蘇珊・戴維告訴我們擁抱情緒價值的重要性，你的每個知覺都代表著屬於你的價值觀！
心理學家蘇珊·大衛與我們分享處理情緒的方式。情緒的處理塑造一切重要的東西：我們的行為、事業、人際關係、健康和幸福。在這個深刻、幽默，能潛在改變生活的談話中，她挑戰獎勵正面積極而非情感真實的文化，討論獲得情感敏捷的強大策略。這是一個值得分享的談話。
摘錄：
「sawubona」字面翻譯是， 「我看到你，因為過見你， 我感受到彼此的存在。」
生命之所以美，與其本身的脆弱有很大的關聯性。
我們擁有情緒，而非情緒擁有我們。
當我們將「我們如何感受」以及「我根據我的價值產生的行動」兩者之間的差異內化，情緒會替你開闢一條道路，讓你可能成為更好的自己。
有勇氣並不是沒有恐懼， 勇氣是在恐懼中行走。
Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking.
英文/中文逐字稿：
00:04
Hello, everyone.
大家好
00:07
Sawubona.
Sawubona
00:11
In South Africa, where I come from, "sawubona" is the Zulu word for "hello." There's a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word because "sawubona" literally translated means, "I see you, and by seeing you, I bring you into being." So beautiful, imagine being greeted like that. But what does it take in the way we see ourselves? Our thoughts, our emotions and our stories that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraught world?
我來自南非， 「sawubona」是祖魯語裏的 「你好」。 背後有一個有力而美麗的意圖。 因為「sawubona」字面翻譯是， 「我看到你，因為過見你， 我感受到彼此的存在。」 想像受到如此的歡迎是如此美麗。 但是，我們如何看待自己呢？ 如何看待那些幫助我們 在這個日益複雜和焦慮的世界裡 茁壯成長的想法、情緒和故事呢？
00:42
This crucial question has been at the center of my life's work. Because how we deal with our inner world drives everything. Every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead. The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative, is rigid. And rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving.
這個至關重要的問題 是我一生工作的核心。 因為我們如何處理內心世界 會驅動著我們的一切。 我們的一切所愛、如何生活、 如何為人父母，及怎樣率領他人。 傳統的觀點認為情緒有好有壞， 有正面有負面， 看似死板。 以僵化的態度面對 錯綜複雜的問題是有害的。 我們需要更大限度的情感靈活性 來支持生命的韌性和茁壯成長。
01:14
My journey with this calling began not in the hallowed halls of a university, but in the messy, tender business of life. I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid South Africa, a country and community committed to not seeing. To denial. It's denial that makes 50 years of racist legislation possible while people convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. And yet, I first learned of the destructive power of denial at a personal level, before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.
我的使命 不源於神聖的大學殿堂， 卻紮根在雜亂與溫柔的生活中。 我在南非種族隔離時期的 白人郊區長大， 一個常常被忽視、 被否認的國家和社區。 這個否認，使 50 年後的 種族主義立法成為可能， 而人們卻相信自己沒有做錯任何事。 然而，我第一次真切體會到 被否認的破壞力， 遠在我明白自己出生的國家 正在發生什麼事之前。
01:53
My father died on a Friday. He was 42 years old and I was 15. My mother whispered to me to go and say goodbye to my father before I went to school. So I put my backpack down and walked the passage that ran through to where the heart of our home my father lay dying of cancer. His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there. In his presence, I had always felt seen. I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off for my day. At school, I drifted from science to mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world. From May to July to September to November, I went about with my usual smile. I didn't drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say, "OK." I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being OK.
我父親在一個星期五去世了。 當時他 42 歲，而我 15 歲。 在返校前，母親低聲對我說， 去和妳的父親最後道個別吧。 於是我把背包放下，走過一條通道， 去到屋的中心， 那裡躺著因癌症而病危的父親。 他的眼睛雖然閉上， 但他知道我在那裡。 在他面前，我總可感覺到被看見。 我告訴他我愛他， 說完再見，開始了新的一天。 當父親從世界上溜走的時候， 我在學校裡，從科學學到數學， 從歷史學到生物， 從五月過到七月， 七月過到九月，九月再到十一月， 我都是帶著平常的笑容渡過。 與之前沒有什麽大的分別。 當我被問到最近怎麼樣時， 我會聳聳肩說：「我很好。」 我的堅強受到表揚。 我太善於假裝「我很好」了。
02:50
But back home, we struggled -- my father hadn't been able to keep his small business going during his illness. And my mother, alone, was grieving the love of her life trying to raise three children, and the creditors were knocking. We felt, as a family, financially and emotionally ravaged. And I began to spiral down, isolated, fast. I started to use food to numb my pain. Binging and purging. Refusing to accept the full weight of my grief. No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity, I thought that no one wanted to know.
但回到家裡， 我們就得掙扎維持生計。 在爸爸生病的期間， 他無法一直維持他的小生意。 母親因失去了生命中的 愛人而悲痛萬分， 因為往後只靠她一個人了， 還要設法撫養三個孩子， 而且債權人還追上門來。 我們的家庭遇上了 經濟和情感的災劫。 我開始飛速地墜落深淵和感到孤立。 開始用食物來麻醉自己的痛苦。 用暴飲暴食來淨化內心。 拒絕接受沈重的悲痛。 在一種鼓吹無情文化的社會中， 沒有人想知道我的故事， 我以為真是沒有人想知道。
03:30
But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over grief. My eighth-grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebooks. She said, "Write what you're feeling. Tell the truth. Write like nobody's reading." And just like that, I was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act but nothing short of a revolution for me. It was this revolution that started in this blank notebook 30 years ago that shaped my life's work. The secret, silent correspondence with myself. Like a gymnast, I started to move beyond the rigidity of denial into what I've now come to call emotional agility.
但是有一個人， 並不相信我剛強的外表。 她是八年級的英語老師， 她用灼熱的藍眼睛盯著我 拿出一本空白筆記本給我。 她說，「寫下你的感受。 要說實話。 只寫給你自己看。」 就這樣， 我被邀請真實地 表達我的悲傷和痛苦。 這是一個簡單的行為， 但對我來說卻是場革命。 自這本空白筆記本開始的革命， 始於 30 年前， 塑造了我一生的工作。 隱密而無聲地自我溝通。 就像體操運動員一樣， 我開始超越內心冰冷的痛苦， 來到了我現在所要說的話題， 那就是獲得擁有生命力的感情。
04:29
Life's beauty is inseparable from its fragility. We are young until we are not. We walk down the streets sexy until one day we realize that we are unseen. We nag our children and one day realize that there is silence where that child once was, now making his or her way in the world. We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees. The only certainty is uncertainty, and yet we are not navigating this frailty successfully or sustainably. The World Health Organization tells us that depression is now the single leading cause of disability globally -- outstripping cancer, outstripping heart disease. And at a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological, political and economic change, we are seeing how people's tendency is more and more to lock down into rigid responses to their emotions.
生命的美麗與脆弱連在一起。 我們還年輕， 終有一天我們不再年輕。 我們迷人地走在街道上， 終有一天， 我們意識到別人看不見我們。 我們嘮叨著孩子，終有一天意識到 那個曾經沉默的孩子， 現在正面向著世界。 我們是健康的， 直到被診斷出疾病而受挫。 唯一的確定就是不確定， 但是我們未能成功地、 永續地駕馭這種脆弱。 世界衛生組織告訴我們 抑鬱症現在是全球 導致殘疾的主因之一， 超過癌症， 也超過心臟病。 在更加複雜的時刻裡， 在前所未有的技術、 政治和經濟的變化中， 我們看到人們傾向於 强化嚴格控制情緒的反應。
05:33
On the one hand we might obsessively brood on our feelings. Getting stuck inside our heads. Hooked on being right. Or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.
一方面，我們或許痴迷於我們的感情， 執著於腦中， 自以為總是正確的， 或者被某些新聞所傷害； 另一方面，或許 我們把情緒推到一邊， 只表現出那些看似正常的情緒。
05:55
In a survey I recently conducted with over 70,000 people, I found that a third of us -- a third -- either judge ourselves for having so-called "bad emotions," like sadness, anger or even grief. Or actively try to push aside these feelings. We do this not only to ourselves, but also to people we love, like our children -- we may inadvertently shame them out of emotions seen as negative, jump to a solution, and fail to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.
在最近與七萬多人進行的調查中， 我發現我們當中三分之一的人， 有三分之一的人， 認為自己有所謂的「壞情緒」， 像心情糟糕、 憤怒甚至悲傷； 或者主動推開這些感覺。 我們不僅對自己這樣做， 也對我們所愛的人做， 像對我們的孩子， 我們可能在無意中羞辱他們， 將他們的情緒視為負面的， 急切地跳入解決， 而沒幫助他們體認到 這些情緒本身的價值。
06:36
Normal, natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. It's a tyranny. It's a tyranny of positivity. And it's cruel. Unkind. And ineffective. And we do it to ourselves, and we do it to others.
正常而自然的情緒 現在被分為好的和壞的。 道德正確的新形式是積極的態度。 癌症患者被自動要求 應該要保持積極的態度。 女人被要求別那麼生氣。 例子實在是不勝枚舉。 這是一種暴政。 這是一種正面的暴政。 是殘酷的、 刻薄的， 而且效果不佳。 我們約束我們的情緒， 和我們約束別人的情緒。
07:24
If there's one common feature of brooding, bottling or false positivity, it's this: they are all rigid responses. And if there's a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid it is that rigid denial doesn't work. It's unsustainable. For individuals, for families, for societies. And as we watch the ice caps melt, it is unsustainable for our planet.
倘若憂鬱、禁閉 和虛假的正面有個共通點， 那就是 它們都是僵化的回應。 如果我們從種族隔離政策 無可避免的崩潰能學到一個教訓， 那就是死板的否認起不了作用。 那是不可持續的， 對於個人、家庭， 及社會都如此。 我們看到冰蓋的融化 對這個星球來說是不可持續的。
08:01
Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification. Like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator -- the more you try to ignore it ...
抑制情緒的研究表明 當情緒被推到一邊或被忽視時， 就變得更頑強。 心理學家將這種放大效應 看作像是放在冰箱裡的 美味巧克力蛋糕， 你越試圖忽略它..…
08:17
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
08:22
the greater its hold on you. You might think you're in control of unwanted emotions when you ignore them, but in fact they control you. Internal pain always comes out. Always. And who pays the price? We do. Our children, our colleagues, our communities.
饞嘴的你就更加忍不住。 你可能會認為， 要控制情緒，忽略它就可以了， 但實際上它們會控制著你。 內部的痛苦總要釋放出來。 總是。 誰要付出代價？ 我們付代價， 我們的孩子付， 我們的同事付， 我們的社區也付。
08:52
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-happiness. I like being happy. I'm a pretty happy person. But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be. I've had hundreds of people tell me what they don't want to feel. They say things like, "I don't want to try because I don't want to feel disappointed." Or, "I just want this feeling to go away."
不要誤解我的意思， 我不反對幸福快樂， 反而喜歡快樂。 我是一個非常開心的人。 但當我們拋棄正常的情緒 擁抱錯誤的積極性時， 我們就失去培養應對技能 來處理現今這樣的世界事務， 不是我們所希望的世界那樣。 有數以百計的人告訴我 他們不想要什麼樣的感覺。 他們這樣說： 「我不想嘗試， 因為我不想感到失望。」 或者「我只想讓失望的感覺消失。」
09:32
"I understand," I say to them. "But you have dead people's goals."
我對他們說：「我明白，」 「但是你的目標也是死人們的。」
09:38
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
09:44
(Applause)
（掌聲）
09:50
Only dead people never get unwanted or inconvenienced by their feelings.
只有死去的人 永遠不會感受到不必要或不便。
09:56
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
09:57
Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don't get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.
只有死去的人才會沒有壓力， 永遠不會傷心， 永遠不會面對失敗帶來的失望。 情緒的困擾是 我們與生活契約的一部分。 沒有一個有意義的職業、 養家糊口， 或讓世界變得更美好 不需要面對壓力或苦惱。 苦惱是獲得生活意義的代價。
10:31
So, how do we begin to dismantle rigidity and embrace emotional agility? As that young schoolgirl, when I leaned into those blank pages, I started to do away with feelings of what I should be experiencing. And instead started to open my heart to what I did feel. Pain. And grief. And loss. And regret.
那麼，我們如何消除頑固的本性 並擁抱機敏的情感？ 作為那個年輕的女學生， 當我靠近這些空白頁面時， 一開始我是為了擺脫我的感覺 和我應該經歷的東西。 後來變成開始對自己 真正的感受打開心門。 痛苦、 悲傷、 失敗， 和遺憾。
11:01
Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions -- even the messy, difficult ones -- is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness. But emotional agility is more that just an acceptance of emotions. We also know that accuracy matters. In my own research, I found that words are essential. We often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings. "I'm stressed" is the most common one I hear. But there's a world of difference between stress and disappointment or stress and that knowing dread of "I'm in the wrong career." When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern the precise cause of our feelings. And what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps -- the right steps for us. Because our emotions are data.
目前的研究顯示， 唯有學會根本地接受 我們所有的情緒， 包括混亂、艱難的情緒， 才能重獲成長的基石， 才能獲得真正的的幸福。 情感上的敏感性 不僅僅是單純接受情緒。 我們也知道準確性很重要。 在我自己的研究中， 我發現那是必不可少的。 我們經常用方便且簡單的標籤 來表達我們的感受。 我最常聽到的是「我感覺壓力大」。 但壓力和失望來自於不同的世界。 或因「我從事錯誤的職業」 而感受到恐懼和壓力。 當我們準確地識別我們的情緒時， 我們更能夠辨別出 造成我們感受的確切原因。 正如科學家們所說， 大腦中的準備潛力會被激活， 讓我們採取一些具體的步驟， 不是任意的步驟，而是正確的步驟。 因為我們的情緒是數據。
12:01
Our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about. We tend not to feel strong emotion to stuff that doesn't mean anything in our worlds. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost, perhaps, that you value equity and fairness -- and an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction. When we are open to the difficult emotions, we are able to generate responses that are values-aligned.
我們的情緒包含著 我們關心事情的閃光。 我們往往不會感到強烈的情緒， 當面對那些在我們的世界裡 沒有任何意義的東西時。 如果你看新聞時感到憤怒， 那憤怒是一個路標， 或許你重視公平和公正， 它是指向可以採取一些積極的措施， 能在那個方向塑造你的生活的機會。 當我們面對困難的情緒時， 我們能夠產生與價值對等的回應。
12:33
But there's an important caveat. Emotions are data, they are not directives. We can show up to and mine our emotions for their values without needing to listen to them. Just like I can show up to my son in his frustration with his baby sister -- but not endorse his idea that he gets to give her away to the first stranger he sees in a shopping mall.
但是有一個重要的警告。 情緒是數據，它們不是指令。 我們可以挖掘和顯示情感的價值 而不需要聽從它們。 就好像是我可以在我兒子 因為他的小妹妹而受挫時 出現並陪伴他， 但我不贊成他的想法， 把妹妹送給在商場看到的 第一個陌生人。
12:55
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
12:56
We own our emotions, they don't own us. When we internalize the difference between how I feel in all my wisdom and what I do in a values-aligned action, we generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions.
我們是情緒的主人， 情緒不是我們的主人， 當我們的智慧與內在的感受調合， 我所做出的行動與價值觀一致時， 我們創造了通往最佳自我的途徑， 通過我們的情緒。
13:15
So, what does this look like in practice? When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don't race for the emotional exits. Learn its contours, show up to the journal of your hearts. What is the emotion telling you? And try not to say "I am," as in, "I'm angry" or "I'm sad." When you say "I am" it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source. Instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: "I'm noticing that I'm feeling sad" or "I'm noticing that I'm feeling angry." These are essential skills for us, our families, our communities. They're also critical to the workplace.
那麼，實踐生活是怎麼一回事？ 當你感到強烈和僵化的情緒時， 不要快速地為情感找出口。 先從心中的日記觸摸情感的輪廓。 哪些是感情告訴你的？ 盡量不要對「我很生氣」 或「我很傷心」回應「我就是」。 你說「我就是」 使你等同於情感一樣。 而你就是你，情感是一種數據來源。 而是試著注意它是什麼感覺： 「我注意到我感到難過」， 或者 「我注意到自己感到憤怒」。 對我們來說，這些是必備的技能， 對我們的家庭和社區， 對工作場所很重要。
13:59
In my research, when I looked at what helps people to bring the best of themselves to work, I found a powerful key contributor: individualized consideration. When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth, engagement, creativity and innovation flourish in the organization. Diversity isn't just people, it's also what's inside people. Including diversity of emotion. The most agile, resilient individuals, teams, organizations, families, communities are built on an openness to the normal human emotions. It's this that allows us to say, "What is my emotion telling me?" "Which action will bring me towards my values?" "Which will take me away from my values?" Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.
在我的研究中， 觀察人們如何展現最好的自我時， 我發現強大的關鍵在於 個性化的考量。 當人們被允許感受 自己的真實情感時， 參與度、創造性和新觀念 會在其中蓬勃發展。 不單人類具有多樣性， 人的內裏也是， 包括情感也多樣化。 最敏捷、具韌性的個人、團隊、 組織、家庭和社區 建立在對人類正常開放的情感上。 這讓我們能夠說： 「我的情緒告訴了我什麼？」 「哪一個行動會使我能達到 我的價值標準？」 「哪一個行動會使我 偏離我的價值觀？」 情緒敏捷是指 能夠以好奇心、同情心， 特別是勇於採取與價值相連的步驟 來表達自己的情感。
14:59
When I was little, I would wake up at night terrified by the idea of death. My father would comfort me with soft pats and kisses. But he would never lie. "We all die, Susie," he would say. "It's normal to be scared." He didn't try to invent a buffer between me and reality. It took me a while to understand the power of how he guided me through those nights. What he showed me is that courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking. Neither of us knew that in 10 short years, he would be gone. And that time for each of us is all too precious and all too brief. But when our moment comes to face our fragility, in that ultimate time, it will ask us, "Are you agile?" "Are you agile?" Let the moment be an unreserved "yes." A "yes" born of a lifelong correspondence with your own heart. And in seeing yourself. Because in seeing yourself, you are also able to see others, too: the only sustainable way forward in a fragile, beautiful world. Sawubona.
在我小時候， 晚上醒來會有害怕死亡的想法。 父親會輕輕拍著安慰我和親吻我。 但他絕不會說謊。 他會說：「蘇西，我們全都會死。」 「害怕是很正常的。」 他並沒有試圖創造一個緩衝區， 在我的想法和現實之間。 我花了好一段時間才能明白 他如何引導我度過 那些惶恐夜晚的力量。 他向我展示的是， 有勇氣並不是沒有恐懼， 勇氣是在恐懼中行走。 我們都不知道在短短的十年時間裡 他會死了。 那個時候對我們 每個人來說都太珍貴、 太短暫了。 但當我們的時刻到來時， 面對著我們的脆弱， 在那最後的時刻， 它會問我們： 「你情感敏捷嗎？」 「你情感敏捷嗎？」 讓你在這一刻 毫無保留地回答「是」。 與你自己的心 終生溝通而產生的「是」。 看你自己。 因為透過看自己， 你看到對別人亦然： 在脆弱而美麗的世界裡， 情感敏捷是唯一可永續的途徑。 Sawubona。
16:27
And thank you.
謝謝你。
16:29
(Laughter)
（笑聲）
16:30
Thank you.
謝謝。
16:31
(Applause)
（掌聲）
16:33
Thank you.
謝謝。
16:34
(Applause)
（掌聲）
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