Brené Brown 研究人際關係——我們同理、歸屬和愛的能力。 在一次辛酸、有趣的演講中，她分享了她研究中的深刻見解，這讓她開始了個人追求，既要了解自己，又要了解人性。
Brené Brown studies human connection -- our ability to empathize, belong, love. In a poignant, funny talk, she shares a deep insight from her research, one that sent her on a personal quest to know herself as well as to understand humanity.
英文/中文逐字稿：
00:05
So, I'll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, "I'm really struggling with how to write about you on the little flyer." And I thought, "Well, what's the struggle?" And she said, "Well, I saw you speak, and I'm going to call you a researcher, I think, but I'm afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they'll think you're boring and irrelevant."
先講個故事 幾年前，有個活動策劃打電話給我 因為我要辦一個講座 她打給我說 「我實在想不出來」 「在傳單上要怎麼介紹你」 我想說「為什麼想不出來？」 她答：「看過你演講」 「我想應該稱呼你為研究員」 「但我怕這樣寫，沒有人會來聽演講」 「因為研究員都很無聊、無關緊要」
00:28
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
00:29
And I was like, "Okay." And she said, "But the thing I liked about your talk is you're a storyteller. So I think what I'll do is just call you a storyteller." And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, "You're going to call me a what?" And she said, "I'm going to call you a storyteller." And I was like, "Why not 'magic pixie'?"
好吧 然後她說「但我喜歡你演講的原因」 「是因為很像在說故事」 「所以我要稱你為說書人」 我內心學術、沒安全感那面就跳出來 「妳要叫我什麼？」 她說：「說故事的人阿」 我心想：「何不乾脆叫我魔法小精靈？」
00:49
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
00:51
I was like, "Let me think about this for a second." I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I'm a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that's what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I'm just a storyteller. And so I said, "You know what? Why don't you just say I'm a researcher-storyteller." And she went, "Ha ha. There's no such thing."
「讓我想一下」 我鼓起勇氣 我想：我是說書人 我是定性研究員 我工作就是搜集故事 也許故事就是有靈魂的數據 或許我真的就是說書人 我就說：「好吧」 「你就叫我研究說書員」 她就回：「哈，沒這東西」
01:18
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
01:19
So I'm a researcher-storyteller, and I'm going to talk to you today -- we're talking about expanding perception -- and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.
所以我是個研究說書員 我今天要告訴各位的 是關於看法的擴展 我要分享給各位幾個故事 是我研究的一部份 這部份徹底的擴展了我的觀點 並確實改變了我生活、愛、 工作、為人父母的過程
01:38
And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year, I had a research professor who said to us, "Here's the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist." And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, "Really?" and he was like, "Absolutely." And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor's and a master's in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the "life's messy, love it." And I'm more of the, "life's messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box."
這是我故事的開始 當時我還是個年輕的研究員，念博士 第一年，我有個教授 告訴我們 「是這樣的」 「你無法測量的，就不存在」 我想他只是講些好聽話而已 我就說：「真的嗎？」他回：「千真萬確」 你們要明白 我學士、碩士都念社工 我的博士學位也是社工 所以我的學術事業 都圍繞著 一些相信 「生活很混亂，愛它吧」的人 但我是那種「生活很混亂」 「那就收拾整齊」 「並收進便當盒裡」的人
02:20
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
02:23
And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me -- really, one of the big sayings in social work is, "Lean into the discomfort of the work." And I'm like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A's. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things that I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.
我想我找到我的路 發現一個能帶著我的事業 社工常說的一句話 偎緊工作令人不舒服的部份 我則是那種，遇到不愉快就趕緊 想辦法對付他並拿A 我這樣催眠自己 對此很期待 我想，這就是我要做的大事了 因為我對這些混亂的話題有興趣 但我想讓他們變得不混亂 我想搞懂他們 我想徹底研究這些 我知道很重要的事 並把秘密找出來分享給大家
03:01
So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you're a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about. It doesn't matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice, mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is -- neurobiologically that's how we're wired -- it's why we're here.
所以我從"連結"開始 因為，當了十年社工 你會理解到 連結就是我們都在此的原因 這是我們生命被賦予意義的東西 一切都與這相關 不管你跟哪個領域的人聊天 不論是社會公平、心理健康、 受虐與疏忽照顧 我們知道，連結 感受到彼此的連結是 在神經生物學來說，是我們天生的 我們在此的原因
03:31
So I thought, you know what, I'm going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things that you do really awesome, and one "opportunity for growth?"
所以我想，我要以連結開始研究 我想你們都經歷過 老闆給的工作評價 可能會是37件極佳的表現 但有一件是 -- 尚待改進
03:44
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
03:47
And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they'll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.
你腦子只會想這那尚待改進的事 我的研究也是這樣 因為當你問人們關於愛的故事 他們會告訴你心碎的故事 當你問人們關於歸屬的故事 他們會告訴你那些他們被排除在外 的椎心經驗 因為當你問人們關於連結的故事 他們會告訴你那些分離的故事
04:11
So very quickly -- really about six weeks into this research -- I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?
所以很快的，研究開始的六週後 就是這件不知如何命名的事 讓連結瓦解 我不懂也從未見過 所以我將研究暫停 我想，我一定要知道這是為什麼 原來就是羞恥 羞恥很好理解 就是害怕失去連結 我的哪些部份 如果外人知道了 會不會不想與我往來
04:43
The things I can tell you about it: It's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this "I'm not good enough," -- which, we all know that feeling: "I'm not blank enough. I'm not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough." The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability. This idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.
羞恥，我可以告訴你們 是普遍存在的，我們都有 那些沒有羞恥心的人 沒有同情心與人類連結 沒人想談羞恥 越不談感受越大 鞏固羞恥的東西 這種「我不夠好」的感受 我想我們都經歷過 「不夠徹底、不夠纖瘦」 「不夠有錢、不夠漂亮、不夠聰明」 「不夠有才」 支撐這種 極痛苦的脆弱感的 是這種 為了要有連結 我們必須讓自己被看見 真的被看見
05:24
And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I'm going in, I'm going to figure this stuff out, I'm going to spend a year, I'm going to totally deconstruct shame, I'm going to understand how vulnerability works, and I'm going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know, it's not going to turn out well.
各位都知道，我恨脆弱 所以我想，這是我 用量尺贏回來的機會 我一定要搞懂這東西 我要花一年的時間，破解羞恥 我一定要了解脆弱是如何運作 我要打敗它 我準備好了，也很興奮 各位也知道，結果沒有很好
05:50
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
05:53
You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I'd have to borrow everyone else's time. But here's what I can tell you that it boils down to -- and this may be one of the most important things that I've ever learned in the decade of doing this research.
你們都懂 關於羞恥我可以講很多 但會佔用到其他講者的時間 我可以告訴你的是，研究最終 這是我十年的研究所學到最重要 的其中一件事
06:08
My one year turned into six years: Thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories -- thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it. I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay -- and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness -- that's what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness -- they have a strong sense of love and belonging -- and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they're good enough.
我的一年 變成六年 數千個故事 數百個面談，團體會晤 某階段還有人寄給我日記手札 告訴我他們的故事 六年間有數千筆數據 我也大概弄懂了 我有點明白羞恥是什麼 是怎麼運作的 我寫了本書 出版了個理論 但有件事還是不對 就是 我將我訪問過的人 分為兩組 一組是認為自己有價值的人 -- 這也是核心的部份 個人價值感 -- 這些人有很強的愛與歸屬感 另一組是掙扎的人 他們總想自己是否夠好 兩組間只有一個可變因素 有強烈愛與歸屬感的人 與掙扎的人之間 只有一個可變因素 這就是，那些 有強烈愛與歸屬感的人 相信他們是值得愛與歸屬的 就這樣
06:59
There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they're worthy of love and belonging. That's it. They believe they're worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.
他們相信這是值得的 對我來說，困難的部份 唯一讓我們無法連結的部份 就是害怕我們不值得彼此連結 這個在個人以及工作上來說 我覺得我應該要更精確理解 所以我 將所有的訪談裡 看得出個人價值感的案例拿出來 只看這些人
07:43
What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that's another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were "whole-hearted." These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day, very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled the interviews, the stories, pulled the incidents. What's the theme? What's the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I'm just writing and in my researcher mode.
這些人有什麼共同點？ 我對辦公用品有點龜毛 但這是另一個故事了 我拿了個分類文件夾、一隻簽字筆 我就想，這研究要怎麼稱呼? 我想到的第一個字就是 全心全意 這些都是全心付出的人，以強烈價值感活著 所以我在資料夾上這樣寫 並開始看我所找到的資料 事實上 我所做的是 前四天都密集研究資料 回到最初的訪問、故事、事件 主題是什麼？模式是什麼？ 我老公帶孩子出遠門 因為我整個廢寢忘食 我狂寫資料 進入我"研究員模式"
08:31
And so here's what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language -- it's from the Latin word "cor," meaning "heart" -- and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and -- this was the hard part -- as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.
我的研究結果是這樣的 他們共有的 是勇氣(courage) 我想簡單解釋勇氣(courage)與勇敢(bravery)的不同 勇氣最初的定義 最早變成英語的時候 是拉丁字源cor，表示"心(heart)" 而它最初的定義 就是全心全意講述關於你自己的故事 所以這些人 有著承認不完美 的勇氣 他們有同情心 對自己好之後對別人好 因為，後來發現，你要對別人有同情心 就一定要先對自己好 最後，他們都有著連結 這是困難的部份 就是"真實性"的結果 他們願意放下他們想成為的自己 為了做真正的自己 而為了與人連結 就必須這麼做
09:31
The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn't talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating -- as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first ... the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees ... the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.
他們的另一個共通點 是這個 他們坦蕩的接受脆弱 他們相信 讓他們脆弱的 會讓他們美麗 他們並不是說脆弱 是很自在的事 也不是很痛心的事 從我早期"羞恥"訪問中發現的 他們認為脆弱是必須的 他們談到願意先說 「我愛你」 願意 去做那些 不保證美好的事 願意 在乳房X光檢查後深呼吸 等待醫生回電 願意投入一場戀愛 不論結果好不好 他們認為這是很基本的
10:35
I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job -- you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown --
我個人認為這是背叛 因為我發了誓要 做研究 研究的定義 就是控制和預測、研究現象 就這麼簡單 控制和預測 所以我原本的任務 控制和預測 變成發現到人們都與脆弱一起生活 並停止控制和預測 後來導致我有點小崩潰
11:05
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
11:10
-- which actually looked more like this.
應該是這樣
11:13
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
11:14
And it did.
沒錯
11:16
I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening.
我稱為崩潰，我心理醫師稱為心靈覺醒
11:19
(Laughter)
11:21
A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you, it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, "I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any recommendations?" Because about five of my friends were like, "Wooo, I wouldn't want to be your therapist."
心靈覺醒好聽多了 不過我確定就是崩潰沒錯 所以我把工作放下，去找心理醫師 告訴你吧，當你打電話給朋友並問他們： 「我想我需要看心理醫生了，你有建議誰嗎？」的時候 就瞭解自己是誰了 我五個朋友都說 「真慶幸我不是你心理醫師」
11:39
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
11:42
I was like, "What does that mean?" And they're like, "I'm just saying, you know. Don't bring your measuring stick."
我就說：「你這什麼意思？」 他們就說：「我只是說說」 「別帶你的量尺就對了」 好吧
11:49
(Laughter)
11:52
I was like, "Okay." So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana -- I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, "How are you?" And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay." She said, "What's going on?" And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good.
我找到了個醫師 我第一次與Diana的會診 我帶上我的清單 就是全心全意訪問清單，並坐下 她說：「你好嗎？」 我說：「我很好阿」 她說：「你怎麼了？」 我的心理醫師也看心理醫師 因為每個人都有心事 然後他們胡扯的功力都很厲害
12:19
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
12:21
And so I said, "Here's the thing, I'm struggling." And she said, "What's the struggle?" And I said, "Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help." And I said, "But here's the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit."
然後我說 「是這樣的，我在掙扎」 她說：「掙扎什麼？」 我說：「我跟脆弱槓上了」 「我知道脆弱是丟臉和害怕」 「的核心」 「為了自我價值的掙扎」 「但似乎也孕育出了」 「喜悅、創造力」 「歸屬和愛」 「所以我想我遇到困難了」 「我需要幫忙」 「但是，不要跟我講」 「我家庭怎樣」 「我童年怎樣的廢話」
12:56
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
12:58
"I just need some strategies."
「告訴我怎麼做就好」
13:01
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
13:05
(Applause)
(掌聲)
13:09
Thank you. So she goes like this.
謝謝 然後她就
13:15
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
13:18
And then I said, "It's bad, right?" And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
我問：「很糟吧？」 她答：「不好也不壞啦」
13:23
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
13:25
"It just is what it is." And I said, "Oh my God, this is going to suck."
「不就這樣」 我說：「天哪，我完了」
13:30
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
13:33
And it did, and it didn't. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that's not me, and B: I don't even hang out with people like that.
是也不是啦 我看了一年的醫生 你們知道有些人 在明白脆弱與溫柔很重要之後 會舉旗投降 A: 這不是我的個性 B: 我不跟這種人交朋友
13:51
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
13:54
For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.
對我來說，很像長達幾年的街頭鬥毆 打鬥很激烈 脆弱揍我，我打回去 我輸了 但卻贏了我的生活
14:06
And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what we are doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No.
所以我繼續這個研究 花了幾年時間 試著搞清楚這些全心全意的人 他們所做出的選擇 他們怎麼應付 脆弱感的 為什麼我們如此掙扎？ 只有我與脆弱掙扎嗎？ 不是
14:26
So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability -- when we're waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, "How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?" And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what's out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I'm sick, and we're newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people. This is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.
這是我所學到的 我們麻痺脆弱 例如我們在等待重要電話時 蠻好笑的，我在推特和臉書上打了 「要如何定義脆弱？」 「為什麼會感到脆弱？」 大概一個半小時後，我收到150個回覆 因為我想知道 大家的情形 找老公幫忙 因為我病了，而且才新婚、 向老公求歡、 向老婆求歡、 被拒絕、邀人去約會、 等著醫生回電、 被辭退、辭退員工 -- 這就是我們的生活 我們生活在脆弱的世界裡 而我們應付脆弱的其中一個方式 就是麻痺脆弱感
15:15
And I think there's evidence -- and it's not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it's a huge cause -- We are the most in-debt ... obese ... addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is -- and I learned this from the research -- that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can't say, here's the bad stuff. Here's vulnerability, here's grief, here's shame, here's fear, here's disappointment. I don't want to feel these. I'm going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin.
我認為這是有證據的 證據存在不只是唯一理由 我認為這是美國史上 越來越多負債、 肥胖 成癮、依賴藥物、 成群的很大原因 問題是 -- 這是我從研究中學到的 -- 你無法選擇去麻痺情感 不能說，我不喜歡這感覺 脆弱感、悲傷、羞恥 害怕、失望等等 我不想要有這種感受 去喝啤酒和香蕉堅果鬆餅解悶
15:55
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
15:58
I don't want to feel these. And I know that's knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God.
麻痺這些感覺 我知道這笑聲 我把你們的生活都研究透徹了 天哪被發現了
16:06
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
16:09
You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then, we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
要麻痺難過的感覺 就要麻痹憐憫、情感 你不能選擇性麻痺 當我們麻痺這些 我們麻痺喜悅 我們麻痺感激 我們麻痺快樂 之後感到痛苦 然後追求目標與意義 之後感到脆弱 然後去喝啤酒和香蕉堅果鬆餅解悶 如此變成惡性循環
16:39
One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn't just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that's uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. "I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up." That's it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There's no discourse anymore. There's no conversation. There's just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there's anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn't work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks.
我們必須想想 我們為什麼、如何麻痺 並不一定是因為習慣了 我們會做的另一件事 是確定那些令人不確定的事 宗教已從信仰與神秘 變成確定的事 我對、你錯、閉嘴 就這樣 就是確定性 我們越怕，就越脆弱 然後更害怕 有點像現今的政治 沒有談話 沒有交談 只有責怪 你們知道研究上怎麼描述"責怪"嗎？ 釋放痛苦與不安的方式之一 我們追求完美 世上唯有我希望生活如此 但不這麼稱心 我們選擇將屁股的脂肪抽出來 並拿去豐唇
17:35
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
17:39
Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, "Wow."
我希望幾百年後的人們 會對此瞠目咋舌
17:42
(Laughter)
(笑聲)
17:45
And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They're hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, "Look at her, she's perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect -- make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh." That's not our job. Our job is to look and say, "You know what? You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." That's our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we'll end the problems, I think, that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn't have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate -- whether it's a bailout, an oil spill ... a recall. We pretend like what we're doing doesn't have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say ... "We're sorry. We'll fix it."
我們追求完美時，最危險的 就是要孩子完美 跟你們講怎麼對待孩子吧 他們生來就得掙扎以達目的 當你手上抱著完美的寶寶時 我們的工作不是說：「看看她，真完美」 「我的工作是讓她保持完美」 「確定她五年級時選上網球隊，國一跳級念耶魯」 這不是我們的工作 我們的工作是看著他們說 「你知道嗎？你不完美，你生來就得掙扎」 「但你值得愛與歸屬的」 這才是我們的工作 如果一整代孩子都這麼養 那今日的問題都可迎刃而解 我們假裝我們所做的 對他人沒有影響 我們在他人的生活中都是這麼做的 還會合作完成-- 不管是財政援助或油輪漏油、 產品回收-- 我們假裝我們所做的 對他人沒有極大的影響 大公司們，我們沒這麼好騙 我們只要你們老實的說聲 「對不起」 「我們會彌補」
18:53
But there's another way, and I'll leave you with this. This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen ... to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee -- and that's really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that's excruciatingly difficult -- to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive." And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we're enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, "I'm enough" ... then we stop screaming and start listening, we're kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
但還有別的方法的，我留此作結 這是我發現的： 讓自己被看見 最深層的那面 脆弱的那面 全心全意去愛 即使不保證有回報 即使很困難 尤其身為一個家長，我告訴你們，當我們恐懼時 表達感激與喜樂 是很痛徹心扉的 當我們想：「我能否這麼愛你？」 「我能熱情地相信嗎？」 「我可以對此勇敢嗎？」的時候 能夠停下來，別把一切想的太糟糕 然後告訴自己:「我很感激」 「因為會感到脆弱代表我還活著」 最後，我想最重要的是 相信自己足夠了 因為如果我們都能 相信自己「我夠好了」 那我們便會停止抱怨並開始傾聽 我們對身邊的人會更溫柔仁慈 對自己也會更溫柔仁慈
19:58
That's all I have. Thank you.
就這樣，謝謝各位
19:59
(Applause)
(掌聲)
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